Navigating December when you’re grieving: 3 things that have helped me

December is a complex month.

For many people, it’s joyful. For others, especially those navigating grief, identity shifts, solo parenting or emotional overwhelm, it brings a weight that isn’t always visible.

After losing my husband while pregnant with triplets, December became one of the most emotionally challenging times of the year. The expectations, the comparisons, the pressure to create “magic,” the financial strain and the constant reminders of what’s missing. 

Here are the three perspectives that helped me through the hardest Decembers of my life, and may support anyone feeling stretched thin this season.

1. Navigating social situations in December

December comes with more invitations than any other month, lunches, end-of-year drinks, celebrations, wrap-ups, and all the well-meaning “you should come!” messages.

But when you’re grieving or solo parenting, the reality is simple:

You cannot do everything.

What has helped me:

• Saying “I’m at capacity.”

It’s a complete sentence. No justification required.

• Planning ahead to reduce pressure.

I keep a note of gift ideas all year, buy everything during Black Friday, and rely heavily on delivery and click-and-collect. It removes the decision fatigue and overstimulation of wandering shopping centres.

• Being realistic about what I can give.

As a solo mum, I can’t buy gifts for every teacher or attend every event — and that’s okay. I focus on what is financially and emotionally manageable.

• Protecting the energy that matters most.

For me, that’s creating moments for my children - Christmas lights, small traditions, simple joy. If an event drains the energy I need for that, I say no.

2. The first Christmas after loss

Nothing prepares you for the first Christmas without the person you love.

The lead-up is often harder than the day itself, the anxiety, the uncertainty, hearing others talk about their plans, and realising yours will never look the same.

What helped me through that first year:

• Letting my emotions be unpredictable.

Grief doesn’t follow a script. There is no right way to feel.

• Lowering expectations.

Survival is enough. The “perfect Christmas” is not the goal.

• Avoiding comparison.

 Watching other families do what I couldn’t was painful. I had to remind myself: my reality has changed, and pretending otherwise only hurts more.

• Choosing one grounding ritual.

For me, it was staying home with the kids in a quiet, slow morning. No pressure. No noise. No guests. Just us.

The first Christmas is raw and disorienting.

But you are not doing it wrong, you are doing the best you can in one of the hardest moments a person can face.

3. How I now handle Christmas as a widow

Over time, I realised I needed to reshape Christmas into something sustainable, something that protected my wellbeing and honoured both my love and my loss.

The boundaries that changed everything: 

• Christmas morning is sacred.

No visitors before 12pm. No rushing. No performing.

Just my children and me, quiet traditions, space to breathe, and time that feels ours.

• We blend old traditions with new ones.

Some honour my husband.

Others reflect the life of the kids, and what I have now.

The blend is what makes the day feel meaningful and manageable.

• I protect my energy unapologetically.

If my nervous system is overwhelmed, everything becomes heavier.

So protecting my energy isn’t optional, it’s essential.

• I allow myself to feel everything.

Grief and joy can exist together.

It’s not one or the other, it’s both, often in the same moment.

If you’re navigating Christmas after loss, please know:

• You are allowed to rewrite the day.
• You are allowed to choose what feels safe.
• You are allowed to protect yourself and your family.

If you need support this December

I created the Navigating Special Occasions Toolkit for women who are navigating Christmas, birthdays, anniversaries, and emotionally heavy dates after loss.

It includes:

• emotional support tools
• scripts for difficult conversations
• practical ways to reduce overwhelm
• boundary-setting prompts
• planning sheets
• and guidance for protecting your energy

Because no one should have to navigate the weight of December alone.

You can download it here: www.yellowfalcon.com.au/special-occasions