Returning to work after loss: how I approached it and what I wish leaders knew

 To talk about returning to work, we first need to talk about how it actually feels.

For me, coming back wasn’t just about showing up to a desk again. It was about stepping into a world that had stayed the same while mine had been turned upside down.

Work, while it felt impossible to go back to in the beginning, was something I didn’t want to lose. I didn’t want to change jobs or careers. This was part of my identity I wanted to keep as normal as possible.

Returning to work is not a date in the diary

It’s not as simple as booking a date and switching your emails back on.

You’re different. And the work you’re coming back to suddenly feels different too, but also the same in terms of stability.

I still remember writing an email to my leader before I came back. The email spoke about how I didn’t want to talk about my situation and that my wish was that my team just gave me my space until I was ready.

This was a good way for my leaders to know how to handle the situation. But I know not everyone can do this.

What I wish more leaders would do

If you lead people, there’s something powerful you can do for someone returning after grief:

• Ask how they’d like their return to work to look. Don’t assume.
• Make it clear that their pace is okay. Some days they’ll be able to give 100%. Other days, they won’t.
• Remove the pressure to be “back to normal”. There is no going back – only forwards.
• Show up as a human first. Often, presence and empathy matter more than words.

None of these things need a policy. They just need compassion.

My return to work

Coming back wasn’t easy.

But that one email, and a leader who met me with understanding, made it possible for me to rebuild at my own pace.

Because the truth is, we’re not just colleagues. We’re people who sometimes carry really heavy things.

So, if you’re leading someone through their return, remember: it’s not about fixing it. It’s about meeting them where they are.

What do you think? If you’ve been through this – as a leader or as someone returning – what made the biggest difference?