The invisible load: what grief looks like at work (when no one can see it)

When someone returns to work after a loss, we tend to think of the big moments... the first day back, the anniversary dates, the milestones.

But what about the days in between?

Grief doesn’t always look like tears or silence. Sometimes, it looks like the person who’s contributing in meetings, hitting deadlines, smiling in the kitchen, all while quietly holding a world of pain inside.

The hidden effort behind “I’m okay”

Grief takes an enormous amount of energy.

Even on the “good” days, it’s emotionally, mentally, and physically draining.

The effort it takes to seem okay, to show up, focus, and function, often means people are running on empty long before the day even starts.

They might not talk about it, but that doesn’t mean the weight isn’t there.

Why this is a workplace topic 

Leaders and colleagues can easily assume someone is “doing better” simply because they’re back at work.

But functioning isn’t the same as healing.

Grief is often invisible, it doesn’t fit in performance metrics or daily stand-ups, but it still impacts how people think, feel, and cope.

Recognising that invisible load helps create space for compassion and realistic expectations.

What leaders can do

Supporting someone through grief doesn’t mean having all the answers.

It means making small, human choices that acknowledge their reality.

• Check in, even when they seem fine.
• Understand that grief changes over time.
• Lead with presence, not perfection. Sometimes, just showing up matters most.

A final thought

Not all grief is visible.

But when leaders see beyond performance and notice the person, they help lighten a load that’s too heavy to carry alone.

Because real support isn’t about fixing the pain, it’s about making sure people don’t have to hide it.