The conversations we avoid: why end-of-life planning needs to be spoken about more

In 2016, my husband and I got engaged.
Like most couples, we were caught up in the joy of that season.

Around that time, we also had some conversations that felt uncomfortable and unnecessary.

Wills.

At the time, it felt important but also something so far away in the future.

In 2020, my husband passed away suddenly while I was 17 weeks pregnant with triplets.

Overnight, everything changed.

Grief is heavy, but so is everything else
The grief was immense. But what surprised me was how much else came with it.

The paperwork.
The phone calls.
The decisions that had to be made while I was in shock, exhausted, and barely functioning.

So many moments where I wished I had clearer answers.

Where I wondered what he would have wanted.

Where I felt the weight of making permanent decisions alone.

Those early conversations didn’t remove the pain.

But they eased the mental load. Less guessing. Fewer unanswered questions.

A little more clarity in a time that felt completely unsteady.

Why we avoid these conversations

Since then, I’ve found myself gently - and sometimes directly - raising end-of-life planning with friends.

And the response is almost always the same.
“It’s too uncomfortable.”
“It feels morbid.”
“We’ll do it later.”

I understand that instinct. I had it too.

But I also know what it’s like to be left holding everything when “later” comes.

Avoidance doesn’t make the outcome easier - it just shifts the weight onto someone else.

End-of-life planning isn’t about fear

But it is about care.

It’s about saying:
“I don’t want the people I love to have to guess.”
“I don’t want them carrying unnecessary decisions on top of grief.”
“I want to make things even a little lighter for them.”
"I want to know what my loved ones want."

It doesn’t require everything to be figured out.
It doesn’t require perfect clarity. It just requires starting.

A final thought

We plan for so many things in life - careers, holidays, finances, futures we hope will unfold.

End-of-life planning isn’t about expecting the worst.

It’s about protecting the people you love if the unexpected happens.

I never imagined how important those early conversations would become.

But I’m deeply grateful we had them.
If this topic feels uncomfortable, that doesn’t mean you’re doing it wrong.

And that’s usually where the most important conversations begin.