You’ve planned for the future. But could your family actually find the plan?

I understand why we avoid conversations about death.

They're uncomfortable. They can feel morbid. And when you're young, healthy and busy living your life, sitting down to think about what would happen if you weren't here isn't exactly at the top of the to-do list.

My husband and I had talked about some things. We had wills. We knew bits and pieces about what the other person wanted.

But we certainly weren't sitting around imagining what life would look like if one of us suddenly wasn't here.

Then, in 2020, my husband died unexpectedly in an accident. I was 29 years old and 17 weeks pregnant with our triplets.

Suddenly, the conversations we'd had (and the ones we hadn’t) mattered enormously.

When you're grieving, the questions don't stop

The emotional impact of losing my husband was immense.

But grief didn't arrive on its own. There was a funeral to organise, a will to execute, superannuation to claim, accounts to close and a mortgage to continue paying.

There were passwords, policies, documents, phone calls and decisions. So many decisions.

Thankfully, I knew a lot about our life together. I knew our finances. I knew where the will was kept. I knew where the spare car key was. I knew which tradies we used.

And it was still incredibly hard.

As a project manager, I did what came naturally to me and created a spreadsheet to keep track of everything.

This is why I now have the uncomfortable conversations

Since losing my husband, I've become the friend who brings this stuff up.

I've had conversations with friends who tell me they don't want to talk about wills, powers of attorney, superannuation or what would happen if they died.

I get it.

I really do.

Sometimes I've even had to call them out on it, with love.

Because I've been the person left behind.

I've been the person trying to make decisions while grieving. I've been the person searching for information and trying to work out what happens next.

And when someone tells me they don't want to have the conversation because it's uncomfortable, I think about their future partner, parent, sibling or friend who may one day wish they had.

Avoiding the conversation doesn't mean someone won't eventually have to deal with it.
It may simply mean someone else has to deal with it later, without you there to answer their questions.

Planning isn't only about having a will

A will matters. But there's so much more to a life than a legal document.

If something happened to you tomorrow, would the people closest to you know:

Where your important documents are?
Which bank accounts and credit cards you have?
What insurance policies exist?
Where your photos are backed up?
How to access important digital accounts?
What you would want for your children?
What your funeral wishes are?

These can feel like small details when you're the person who knows the answers.

When you're no longer there to answer them, they're not small anymore.

You don't have to do everything at once

I think this is another reason people avoid end-of-life planning.

It feels enormous.

Once you start thinking about everything that could potentially need to be organised, it's easy to decide you'll deal with it another day.

So don't start with everything.

Start with one question:
Could they find it?

Could the people you love find the information they would need if you couldn't tell them yourself?

You don't need to predict every possible scenario or have every document perfectly organised.

You just need to start writing things down.

Planning for death is really about caring for the living

We often frame end-of-life planning as something we're doing for ourselves.

I see it differently now.

It's something we do for the people who may one day be left behind. You cannot remove their grief.

But you can make sure they aren't searching through emails at 11pm trying to work out which insurance policy exists.

You can make sure they know who to call, where things are and help them with fewer decisions to make at a time when even the smallest decision can feel enormous.

A place to start

I've created a free checklist called Could They Find It?

It's a starting point for the things worth writing down now, including your home and household, vehicles, digital access, banking, insurance, superannuation, legal documents, information about your children and your final wishes.

You don't have to complete it all today.

Download it. Look through it. Tick off what you've already done and choose one thing you haven't.

Then have the conversation you've been putting off.

Because if the worst ever happens, the people you love will already be carrying enough.

Give them a map instead of a maze.