What a will can’t capture

We talk a lot about the documents. A will. A power of attorney. Even the practical details, like where the spare keys are kept.

But there are two things that sit outside all of that, and I think they matter just as much.
Your wishes. And your stories.

I’m no lawyer, and this isn’t legal advice. It’s general information based on my own experience, and I’ve been the person left behind. If any of this raises questions for you, a lawyer is the right person to ask.

“I don’t have any assets, so I don’t need a will”

I hear this a lot. People tell me there’s no money to leave, so they don’t bother going through the process.

I strongly believe you do need a will. But I also know a will is pretty black and white. It deals with the legal side. It doesn’t always capture the personal side, the part that’s really about the people you love.

That’s where a memo of wishes comes in.

What a memo of wishes is

Depending on where you live, it might be called a letter of wishes, a statement of wishes or a memorandum of wishes. They’re all the same idea.

It’s an informal, private document that accompanies your will and isn’t legally binding. It can be updated as you need, without having to change your will. It’s usually stored with the will, and your executor should know where to find it.

Because it isn’t binding, it shouldn’t contradict your will. If something truly has to happen, it belongs in the will, and a lawyer can help you work out which is which. They can also give you a template for the letter, so it’s documented and ready to go.

What you might write in it

This is your chance to genuinely write your wishes, in your own words.

If you have children, that might be:

• Who you’d want to raise them.

• Whether they’d stay in your home or move to their guardian’s.

• Which school you’d hope they’d attend.

• A sport or activity you’d love them to try.

It’s more than just the children, too. Letters of wishes can also cover funeral preferences and special messages for the people you love.

None of this is binding. But at least you’ve had the chance to write it, ahead of time, instead of leaving the people you love to guess.

The other thing a will can’t hold

When you lose someone, a piece of them goes. Their voice goes. Their memory goes. And there’s no way of capturing it again.

So if you have time, share your story with the people you love. And maybe even get it on camera, so they can watch it back.

It doesn’t have to be polished. A phone propped on a shelf is enough. If you’re not sure where to start, try one of these:

• How you met the people you love.
• 
A story from your childhood.
• 
Something you’re proud of.
• 
What you hope for them.
• 
The advice you’d want them to have.

Five minutes is plenty. Their future selves will be grateful for it.

Put it somewhere they can find it

A letter of wishes no one can find, or a video buried on an old phone, doesn’t do much good.

Tell someone where they are. Write it down. Make sure the people who’d need it know where to look.
That’s what my free checklist, Could They Find It?, is for. It covers your final wishes, your children’s details and the letters and messages you’d want passed on, as well as the practical things like accounts and passwords.

And if you’d like a place to write it all down, that’s what the Just-In-Case File is for.
You don’t have to do it all today. Pick one thing, and start.

A will covers what you leave behind. Your wishes and your stories cover who you are to the people you love.